1. Thou shalt not be silent
Honest and CLEAR Communication is sooo important in any relationship.
Don’t shutdown, escape or ignore one another.
Worst of all don’t just go along to get along.
One person in any relationship tends to be the alpha / dominant one.
So if you are not “wearing the pants” you must speak the funk up or you WILL get yo azz ran over! Then you will most likely blow your top once you are fed up and just run away AKA fight or flight.
2. Thou shalt not use superlatives
Don’t say you always do this or you always do that…it’s not usually the case.
There may be a pattern of an annoying behavior or habit that annoys you.
Ask yourself if this is really worth you getting pissed off over. Something such as forgetting to shut the door after your spouse takes a dump or not putting the dishes away correctly may bother you but is it worth nagging your spouse about it for the thousandth time after ten plus years of marriage?
Begin to consider if there is something deeper causing you to nag so much about petty sheeet? Do your best to get to the root of the issue.
3. Thou shalt not release thy family business
Be careful about sharing your marital issues with friends and family members.
When sheeet hits the fan these people will take sides.
They may mean well but they can give bad advice based on their own struggles in relationships. Would you take advice from a friend who is single, a married friend who is contemplating getting a divorce and hates her husband or a Mom who has been married 3 damn times?
I’ve lived through all this sheeet and am speaking from personal experience, if you could not tell already.
One big exception on this is related to abuse whether physical or verbal.
Yes, I said verbal because a woman may not be able to beat up a man physically but she can beat his azzz up mentally, emotionally and most of all verbally.
In the case of abuse, try to seek a mental health professional and separate yourself from the situation for a while for a cooling off period.
4. Thou shalt not withhold sex from thy partner
Ahhhh…my favorite commandment, LOL. I can see the all of the eye rolls now.
Sex is a good barometer for measuring the health of a marriage.
This ties back to Commandment #1 related to communication.
Ladies…being on your period is not an excuse to not engage in intimacy with your partner. You betta put a towell down or not be afraid of felatio. Just cuz your Mom was a prude and told you the Monica Lewinsky act was a sin doesn’t mean you have to follow in her footsteps. Again, that may be a big part of the reason why her azzz is single.
As Jada Pinkett said, if you are not giving “it” to your man regularly someone else gladly will.
Men and women like to be mentally stimulated before anything.
Sex is more than just intercourse.
Sex should just be a byproduct of great communication.
Also, don’t be afraid to be adventurous …just cuz you go to Cirilla’s a few time doesn’t mean y’all are going to hell and that’s all I’m going to say about that commandment.
5. Thou shalt not keep secrets
I sucked at keeping this commandment.
I would sometimes …well often, do something that I knew my ex-wife would be upset about. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.
Even though she had the gift of discernment, as most women do and already knew about what I had done. I still thought that somehow I could get away with my white lies.
Women just want the confession and her trust for you gradually decreases to the point where her mind will go haywire wondering what else you are not being honest about.
Don’t be afraid of confrontation or going along to get along no matter how bad the offense is that you committed. The truth will come out sooner or later. Whether before or after your divorce.
Women lie too! Y’all are just better at it and good at justifying it, LOL.
One more thing. Trust is a two way street…if a man doesn’t trust you with his heart, he will never be 100% honest with you. Also, sometimes people lie and do certain things to drive you nuts on purpose to eventually force you to kick them out of your life.
Bottom line…humans suck at clear, effective communication. Mastering this skill will save you from a whole heap of trouble.
Thanks for reading!!!
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Also, feel free to share any additional commandments you feel should be added to this list.
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