If only I had known what I know now yesterday

Maybe tomorrow

Or even today

Would be my last

What would I say

Where would I go

Who would I hang out with

What would I eat

Who would I call

Most of all

What would I write

As I lie here

I’m left with lots of questions

And absolutely zero answers

Contemplating the idea of dying

✍🏾

Don’t dm me

Text me

Call me

Don’t bother to ask me anything

Unless

Like Grandpa used to say

You plan on contributing

This not a suicide note

But rather a note to self

A reminder of how quickly you can forget what it means to exist

Those moments filled with bliss

As you exited your mothers womb

Greeted by excited smiles

Unconditional hugs

Genuine kisses

A seemingly ancient existence

Letting go of figuring out my future

Pondering my past

Passively allowing serendipity decide my fate

Painstakingly piecing together a peculiar puzzle

Pausing to discover the hidden path

Accepting the gift of a precious present

Presently comfortable in my own presence

Embracing figments of an unimaginable essence

✍🏾

Contemplating the idea of living

With absolutely zero questions

And lots of answers

Lying here

Writing about the thought of dying

Calling no one

Eating trail mix

Hanging out with an iPhone and my favorite Beatstrumentals

Going to my own funeral

Saying an emphatic eulogy

It is my last

Today is all I’ve got

There is no maybe tomorrow

If only I had known what I know now yesterday

🤦🏾‍♂️

By Aaron J. Yancey

© 2019

6.27.2019

5:30am

2pm

Part 1

I was at what appeared to be a hospital

I did something to make this black dude upset with me

He threatened to shoot me

I got scared told security and everyone he had a gun

Everyone laughed and said the gun was fake

Part 2

I was at the home I grew up in with Mom

Pop

And Wayne

I looked outside and saw a big tornado that was really close

I yelled to the whole family to get ready because the tornado could strike at any moment

They all were walking around very nonchalantly and seemed to not be worried

Mom and Pop stayed upstairs

Wayne went ahead and walked down to the basement

I went down too

Then quickly went back to my room to grab some valuables such as

My wallet

Phone

And a big blanket to wrap up in

Part 3

I was at what appeared to be Aunt D’s house

Trish was not there but most of her family and my side of the family was there

I had these little cousins I was playing with

One of the kids was rapping really well

And I told his older brother they should record his rapping before his voice matured and was less high pitched

They laughed

I saw my Step-Dad Mickey

Nicky’s daughter Kalen was there

So was Nicky

I walked out into this garage to leave the party

I held the door open for cousin Will as everyone followed

Part 4

My high school Bball coach Steve took me to this guy to get some sort of delivery driving job

Steve had this cool sky blue big classic car

Almost looked like an Impala or Cadillac

The guy took my application

But never gave me an answer

On if I got the job or not

He was a middle eastern looking guy

4 am to 12pm

Scene 1

My Pop

Wayne

And Ma

Were all with me to purchase some shoes

Ma tried to convince me to buy these black and red basketball shoes

I think it was because they were cheaper

Only about $40 to $50

I told her I wanted these shoes from a different store in the mall and Pop was ready to help me

She steady kept shoving these Bball sneakers in my face

A fireball of rage swirled in my stomach

Rising directly to the top of my head

Before I knew it

There I was strangling Mom right there in the mall

I could feel a state of mania taking over

Big bro had to pull me off her

I yelled to everyone I was moving back to Houston to live with Wayne

Scene 2

I was at a gym watching a performance of some sort amongst a group of people

One of the people in our group was breathtaking

She reminded me of Halle Berry but a little lighter

Shorter and with curly hair

She had a smile that melted my soul immediately

It felt like we were in school and it was time to go to the next period

We decided to go hide behind a big black stage curtain

Gazing into each other’s eyes

Before long gently kissing

Talking

Her telling me she was divorced too

If only this weren’t a dream

Was it a foreshadow of a woman to come

Or just another projection of my imagination

Scene 3

Looking at Map plotting to go back somewhere in the U.S. Eastern middle of the map

Scene 4

There was definitely another scene but I totally blanked out

July 18, 2019

6 am – 1 pm

Part 1

I was riding a motorcycle really fast on the highway

I don’t know exactly where I was going

Traffic was flowing pretty quickly

There were a few times I had to hit my breaks

Eventually this cluster of about three other motorcyclists were near me attempting to race

I started to join them just as the cars all hit their brakes and traffic came to a halt

The motorcycle I was on looked really cool dark and very sporty

Randomly while riding on the highway I saw someone paying for something via Square Pay

I started to think that Square Pay would be the primary form of payment in the near future

Part 2

I was staying somewhere and needed a drink

I walked into a nearby gas station and ran into this guy who started to be overly friendly and guided me to a drink

I really wanted alcohol or something else but he directed me to the fountain drinks and poured me ice water in a big styrofoam cup

Part 3

I was sitting by myself at this round poker table in the middle of a different gas station

Once again I was craving some alcohol really bad

These cops and a manager stormed through the store questioning people like the Gestapo about stolen goods

Part 4

I remember riding in a car and hearing someone playing country music

Part 5

At some point I shared a hotel with my big bro

Part 6

I got a reply email from the old limousine company I used to work for saying they are excited about me returning to their company

Copyright © 2019 Aaron J. Yancey

#dreamdiaries #dreams #diary #diary #diaries #prose #writer #blogs

Dem changes

Will funk a brutha up

Drowning in a bottom bunk

Who woulda thunk

We’d return to this winnowing wormhole

Swallowed in an inferno essence

An ever present drifting blight

Shining on me

Then passing me by

Burnt to a wisp

Left lukewarm

Wandering lips dry

Pulled into pieces

Scattered behind

Riding off into bi-space

Where we three belong

Waving at Umbrellacorns

And peliguins

With the wind in our face

Orbiting platonic planet

At supersonic warp speed

Copyright © 2019 Aaron J. Yancey

#pennypoems #Poetry #poetsofinstagram #poem

June 17, 2019

3am to 11am

Part 1

Went on a road trip with Snook

Drove to Cincy or something like that this time

Had to leave Snook and go back home

He was not happy again

We had an argument

Part 2

Was amongst some gang

Was apart of a shootout

Had two handguns in each hand

None of my shots actually hit or killed anyone

Ran out of bullets

I don’t even know who we were shooting at

Or which side of the shootout I was on

I climbed out of a window

Tip-toed on a ledge

Almost jumped off the building to avoid being shot

Part 3

I was sitting down at a picnic table

Getting ready to eat some weird frozen sandwich

The sandwich was a vegetarian one with peppers and spinach and cheese

I was amongst all of these artists eclectic looking homeless people

Some black dude was grabbing food out of a big freezer

He looked a lot like the rapper / bouncer Negro Scoe from the Riot Room

I remember talking to this pretty white lady

Part 4

I was working at this company

Sitting at a desk

There was a black dude training me

We helped people with financial checkups

He let me handle working with this black lady

The black lady asked for a simple financial checkup

She had about 3 kids with her that kept being rambunctious

I pulled out a yellow notepad to take notes just as the dream changed scenes

Part 5

I was in the same office alone with that pretty white lady from the picnic table earlier

She started flirting with me and letting me touch her in forbidden places 😉

Then the girl suddenly turned into my sister in-law who is black

We were getting ready to have relations

Then she asked me if I had a rubber glove

I was solid as a rock

Then had to start hunting for a gold glove amongst piles of my junk

Finally I found one

Then the dream changed just as we were about to proceed

Copyright © 2019 Aaron J. Yancey

#dreamdiaries #dreams #diary #diary #diaries #prose #writer #blogs

Swipe

Swipe

Swipe

Swipe

Swipe

Left

Right

Left

Yo Left

Yo Left

Yo Left

Right

Left

Try to be funny

Not too crazy

Her name is Andy

Is she really a lady

Oh sheeet

She enjoys Thundercat

Been listening to Drunk a lot recently

Also plays Gin Rummy

I’m in love

I’ve found my second wife

MAYBE

I’m not much of a mountain climber

But we both like to ride bikes

I’ll introduce her to trap yoga

Slowly educate her on other black people stuff

Just after traversing Roanoke hill

Subtly swoop in requesting the number

Drop a witty gif via text

Along with a yogi pose

To expose the best parts of my body

While keeping it strictly platonic and classy

I need to do some push-ups nightly

Still working wit deez sad chicken wangz

Joke

Joke

Joke

Goofy pic

Close it out

She’s got work in the mornin’

I don’t

Game

Set

Match

Till tomorrow

Eventually

Whether through her being nosy

Like a detective searching for something dirty

Unfortunately

I’ll have to disclose a few important facts

Just like I did with Ginger’s fine self

And a few others

I have fo kids

She doesn’t

At least they are all by the same baby momma

As if that will truly help my case

I currently don’t have a job

Have just over one hundred dollaz to my name

No car

Bi-polar

A recovering alcoholic

And living with my momma

Oh should I dare mention the four recent trips to jail

One of which for watering and restraining

And almost strangling my baby momma

Don’t forget to mention the restraining order

Mmm

I think I’ll stick to one word answers

All the while praying she never reads this blog post

We shall see how far it all goes

William Jewell

Plus Liberal

Plus Atheist

Plus dog lover

Plus rock climber

Plus 28 and unmarried

Plus Scientist

Equals slim chance of this working out

But she’s hot

Interesting

Funny

Sexy and nerdy

Two of my favorite qualities

Did I already mention she likes Thundercat

And plays Gin Rummy

Oh and Vulfpeck

This ought to be very interesting

Channeling the Black Mamba Mentality

Going Ten for thirty like Kobe

Just keep shooting

Copyright © 2019 Aaron J. Yancey

Photo credit Akyanyme

#pennypoems #Poetry #poetsofinstagram #poem